Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist - Part 10

For a perfectionist, creating New Year’s resolutions is an interesting prospect.  Because I tend to see things in extremes, I’ll either set very optimistic, even unrealistic goals.  Or I’ll settle into setting goals that are quite comfortable, that I know I can easily reach.  In my younger years I would typically choose the former.  Now that I’m older, I lean toward the latter.  

Perfectionism sometimes causes me to avoid trying new things because of the fear of failure.  Letting go of the need to be perfect can give me the courage to try these things because failing at them is OK.  

It may be helpful to think of FAIL as First Attempt In Learning.  

I’m so impressed with I talk I recently read; I’d like to share some things that stood out to me.  This talk was given at a devotional earlier this year by Kevin J. Worthen, President at BYU.  It’s called Successfully Failing: Pursuing Our Quest for Perfection.  These quotes are taken from the text of the talk:

Failing is an essential part of the mortal phase of our quest for perfection. We don’t often think of it that way, but that is only because we tend to focus too much on the word perfection and not enough on the word quest. Failure is an inevitable part of the quest. In our quest for perfection, how we respond when we fail will ultimately determine how well we will succeed.

Failing is a critical component of our eternal progress—our quest for perfection. And because of the Atonement we can—if we respond to failures in the right way—be blessed with a new kind of learning that allows our failures to become part of the perfecting process. As Elder Bruce C. Hafen has explained, the beauty of the gospel is that “because of the Atonement, we can learn from our mistakes without being condemned by them.” What a wonderful blessing that absolutely marvelous and indispensable portion of the plan of salvation provides to each of us, if we will but take advantage of it.

In our own personal lives, willful failure in important, routine things we can control constitutes sin, which we should avoid as much as possible. In things that are routine but essential to our eternal progress—things like daily prayer, daily scripture study, and regular church attendance—we should strive to eliminate all failings. In these matters we can come very close to perfection very quickly, and it is important that we do so, because success in these endeavors provides the secure foundation that allows us to deal effectively with the other two kinds of failure.

We should not be so fearful of failing that we avoid trying new or hard things merely because their very newness or difficulty increases the risk of failure. Don’t let concern for protecting your grade point average dictate the courses you take. Challenge yourself, academically and in other ways. You may discover skills, talents, and joys you would otherwise miss out on. Your mortal experience will be a more productive part of your quest for perfection if you intentionally stretch yourself with new challenges, especially those that involve a real risk of failure.

Finally, we can be assured that however we have failed, it can, from an eternal perspective, be changed. The Atonement is that powerful and that comprehensive. As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland put it: 

If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort. If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope. . . . If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended.

Because of the Atonement, all failures are changeable and temporary, except the one that occurs when we give up. So whatever you do, don’t you dare give up.

Too often we ask the wrong question when we fail. We ask, “Am I good enough?” But the real question is, “Is God good enough?” Is He as good as He says He is? Can He really deliver on His promise that “all things” will “work together for [our] good” if we will trust Him and strive to do the best we can and keep going whenever we fall short?
I testify that He is. God is as good, as powerful, as loving, as patient, and as consistent as He says He is. He gave His Son so that we might move forward in our quest for perfection with full confidence and assurance that we will succeed despite our failures.

What powerful truths!  This talk puts me in the right frame of mind to create my resolutions.  I won’t be so afraid to try new or difficult things, because even if I fail, I’ll be learning valuable lessons in the process.  

I also really love this quote by Pres. Monson: Our task it to become our best selves. One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final.  

To be continued . . . with Part 11.