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Friday, November 27, 2015

Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist - Part 9

Sometimes it’s hard to see that I actually am making progress in my struggle with perfectionism, that I really am “in recovery.”  So when I see evidence, it’s healthy for me to acknowledge it and to also recognize from whence those positive changes come—the Lord changing my heart.  Here are a few instances where I’ve recently seen the hand of the Lord in my life:


The Isaiah Chapters
In the past when I’ve read the Isaiah chapters in 2 Nephi, I’ve approached them with apprehension.  It seems that the main theme was God’s fierce anger and how He would burn the wicked as a stubble.  Of course, I always included myself among the wicked, because I wasn’t perfect.  But this time, I got a whole different message from these chapters:  The Lord would be born of a virgin—the Prince of Peace and Light of the World, He would gather scattered Israel, restore His gospel—a marvelous work and a wonder, build a latter-day temple, and bring a peaceful millennium where the earth will be full of the knowledge of Him.  I didn’t really plan to see these chapters differently, it just happened.  I saw more of the “good” prophecies.  


Music in My Life
I’ve always been musical.  Growing up, my family members all sang and played musical instruments.  I played the trombone in the band since 6th grade through high school, including marching band, pep band, concert band, and jazz band.  I sang in the concert choir and madrigal group in high school.  My brothers and I sang a lot of barbershop.  I was assistant director of the choir in college.  I sang with the BYU Young Ambassadors (thats me just left of center in the photo) and in the Mormon Youth Chorus.  I wrote songs and recorded an album that was distributed by Deseret Book.  I directed a fireside singing group Listen, a Christmas performing group Spirit of the Season, and a vocal jazz group Singcopation for many years. And I was the Ward Choir Director for over four years.


All this time I’ve approached music from primarily a left-brain stance.  I would notice the choral structures, the instrumentation, the rhythms, the order of the pieces in a program, etc., for the most part analyzing the music.  


But lately I’ve experienced music in a more aesthetic way.  I notice the beauty, the message, the spirit, and the way it makes me feel.  This is new to me.  It’s more creative and less intellectual.  I really like it.  


Self Worth
Because my primary love language is words of affirmation, I have tended to crave praise and verbal “pats on the back.”  If I accomplished something and nobody mentioned that I had done a “good job,” I’d wonder about my self worth.  I would easily become defensive if I felt someone was being critical of me.  


It’s a pride issue and I’m not claiming to be over it.  But it’s not as important to me as it used to be.  The more I feel good about myself—that I’m valuable just the way I am—the less I need to rely on the praise of the world to give me my sense of worth.  


The Race of Life
Here’s a great quote I like by Pres. Uchtdorf:  “This race of discipleship is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. And it makes little difference how fast we go. In fact, the only way we can lose the race is by finally giving in or giving up. As long as we continue to rise up and move toward our Savior, we win the race with our torches burning brightly. For the torch is not about us or about what we do. It is about the Savior of the world. And that is a Light that can never be dimmed. It is a Light that swallows the darkness, heals our wounds, and blazes even in the midst of the deepest sorrow and unfathomable darkness.”

To be continued . . . with Part 10.

2 comments:

  1. Dear Uncle Arlen,

    I always wished we lived closer to you and your family so we could get to know you all better. As a child I stood in awe of you and your wife for always seeming to have it together, being so musical and involved in dance (which I had always wanted to do but had little opportunity), and working at my favorite college.
    The story was often told about how you had such high standards for a wife (she pretty much had to be perfect they said) that the family thought you were nuts and would never find her... And then you did anyway! I loved that story:).
    I love your musical abilities, and that you sing with your brothers, and I'm trying to figure out how to raise mine that way.
    I guess it makes sense that you're still human like everyone else. As you work your way through difficulties, I hope you remember the Lord never gives us anything that is too hard for us to do. And, personally, I still think you're a cut above.
    Annie

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    1. Annie, thanks for your kinds words and encouragement. I follow you on FB and I'm delighted that we are kin. Cute kids!

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