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Thursday, September 28, 2017

Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist - Part 30

Worth vs. Worthiness

One of the issues with which I have struggled my whole life is the concept of worthiness.  I have equated perfection and worthiness.  Unless I was perfect, I wasn’t worthy—which means I was never worthy.  I felt guilty taking the sacrament because I wasn’t perfect (worthy).  I felt guilty entering the temple because I wasn’t perfect (worthy).  Of course, I took the sacrament and I went to the temple, because I was supposed to and doing so would mean I was more worthy than if I didn’t.  But it’s rough going through life always feeling like I can never be worthy.  It takes a toll on my self-worth.  

In the latest General Women’s session of conference, Sister Joy D. Jones talked about this very issue.  I loved what she said:

Let me point out the need to differentiate between two critical words: worth and worthiness. They are not the same. Spiritual worth means to value ourselves the way Heavenly Father values us, not as the world values us. Our worth was determined before we ever came to this earth. On the other hand, worthiness is achieved through obedience. If we sin, we are less worthy, but we are never worth less. We continue to repent and strive to be like Jesus with our worth intact.

I also really like what Elder Marvin J. Ashton said about worthiness vs. perfection:

Over the past number of weeks I have had some conversations that have made me ponder the meaning of the word worthy. As I recently talked to a young twenty-year-old man, I discussed his attitude about going on a mission. He said, “I wanted to go, but I am not worthy.”

“Who made that judgment?” I asked.

“I did,” was his answer.

On another occasion I asked a young lady who was contemplating marriage if she was going to the temple. She said, “I would like to, but I am not worthy.” In response to the same question of who determined her unworthiness, she too said, “I did.”

A member mother who had known for many weeks that her daughter had planned a temple marriage was asked if she was going to attend the temple ceremony. “No. I am not worthy to get a temple recommend,” she answered.

Each of these people seemed to have made his own determination about worthiness. When we take it upon ourselves to pass self-judgment and simply declare, “I am not worthy,” we build a barrier to progress and erect blockades that prevent our moving forward. We are not being fair when we judge ourselves.

It occurs to me that there are probably hundreds or even thousands who do not understand what worthiness is. Worthiness is a process, and perfection is an eternal trek. We can be worthy to enjoy certain privileges without being perfect.


To be continued . . . with Part 31

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