Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist - Part 28

I Missed a Month

Since I started this blog, I’ve been pretty good about posting each month—actually, I’ve been perfect at it. But I missed posting one in June.  So here we are at the end of July and I’m posting again.  Perfectionists often are somewhat bound by routine and compliance.  My perfectionistic tendency would cause me to feel that it’s not OK to miss a month. Besides the fact that June was ludicrous, I decided to let it be OK—as part of my recovery—to miss a month. July has been more cooperative.  

Loving Myself

“And if I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?”

I recently saw this question on social media. It hit home. For a perfectionist, it’s difficult to love myself unless I’m performing up to expectations.  

Here’s a conundrum:  

The Savior taught that “whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it” (Matt. 16:25).

I’ve often heard that you can’t give something to others that you don’t have yourself.

Elder Holland taught: “You have to have something in the tank before you can give it to others.”  

The scriptures teach that “the inward vessel shall be cleansed first” (Alma 60:23) and I’m instructed to “first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye” (Matt. 7:5).

So if I’m struggling to love and understand myself, can I really love and understand others?  

Actually, I don’t think it’s that black and white. I believe there have been times when I’ve been able to give beyond what I own. If my intent is to do it “for my sake”—meaning the Savior’s sake, then he will augment my ability to give. And I’ll be enabled to accomplish more than I would with my own natural capabilities.  

As a perfectionist, I’ve also tended to be a pleaser. But with that mentality, the most important person for me to:

    • connect with

    • show compassion for

    • respect

    • be kind to

    • care about

    • be gentle with

    • accept

    • etc.

—is myself.  When I can do that adequately, then it’s much easier to do for others—with the right motives.  

To be continued . . . with Part 29