Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist - Part 27

Connection

In her book Daring Greatly, Brené Brown says:  “Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection.”

We need to feel like we belong, like we are loved and accepted.  When we don’t, it’s painful.  Naomi Eisenberger, professor of Social Psychology and Director of the Social and Affective Neuroscience Laboratory at UCLA teaches:  The experience of social pain, while temporarily distressing and hurtful, is an evolutionary adaptation that promotes social bonding and, ultimately, survival. “That hurt my feelings.” “My heart was broken.” If you listen closely to the ways in which people describe their experiences of social rejection, you will notice an interesting pattern: we use words representing physical pain to describe these psychologically distressing events. In fact, in the English language we have few means of expressing rejection-related feelings other than with words typically reserved for physical pain. Moreover, using such words to describe experiences of social rejection or exclusion is common to many languages and not unique to English.

Scientific research shows that reaching out to others can help us cope with the trials of life more effectively.  

That’s why we have 12-step support groups, the Addiction Recovery Program.  The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, but human connection.  

Often, those who deal with addiction, perfectionism, shame, and many other struggles, tend to pull back, to withdraw, to isolate themselves.  But when they turn toward others and reach out, healing occurs at a faster rate.  

It takes effort to develop friendships and to ask others to be part of our support network.  But it’s worth the effort.  As human beings, we’re designed to connect with others.  No man is an island.  One of the purposes of a church is to provide opportunities for fellowship.  Pres. Hinckley often taught that we all need a friend.  According to God, it isn’t good to be alone.  We’re all part of one large eternal family.  

To be continued . . . with Part 28