Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist - Part 24

This is Part 24, which means I’ve been posting to this blog every month for two years.  Over the past few months, I’ve been noticing that I’m having fewer issues with perfectionism than I had in the past.  If this keeps up I may need to stop writing this blog, since the initial premise was to document what I’m learning about my perfectionism.

In other words, I’m progressing, getting healthier, in recovery, doing my work, trusting the process.  My therapist is also noticing my improvement.  If this keeps up, I may need to stop seeing him as often.  

So if I’m having fewer issues, why is that?  To what can I attribute my progress?  

Ultimately, I give the Lord the credit.  He led me to my therapist.  He brought healing resources into my life.  He is changing my heart and mind.  There are many factors contributing to my improved emotional health surrounding perfectionism, but I glorify God for the tender mercies.

From a therapeutic standpoint, I’d have to say that the most significant help has been an understanding of faculty core beliefs and how they have affected me for most of my life.  Faulty core beliefs usually develop at a young age and are sometimes unconscious.  So identifying them is an important part to overcoming them.  

Faulty: false

Core: about our souls

Belief: how we perceive and value

Typical faulty core beliefs are:

I’m not _______ enough.  (Insert the adjective -- good, smart, thin, happy, rich, young, etc.)

I’m not loveable.

I’ll never get it right.

I’m not worthy.

I’m inadequate.

I’m bad.

I’m defective.

The interesting thing is: these are not just faulty thoughts, but faulty beliefs.  Intellectually, I get the fact that I’m smart, worthwhile, valuable, and good.  But beliefs are beyond just my thoughts; they are seated in my emotions.  So while I might have a cognitive understanding of my value, I have a hard time believing it.  It’s a head vs. heart problem.  

If it is my belief that I am flawed in some way, regardless of any proof I may have to the contrary, that belief becomes my truth and I will behave in a way that validates my perception of reality.

Faulty core beliefs are also closely tied to shame.  That’s why my therapist has worked with me on becoming shame-resilient while we have also been working on improving my core belief system.

As I’m doing my work, I’m less perfectionistic.  I have a healthier outlook for the future.

Actually, to think I won’t have issues with perfectionism in the future is idealistic.  It’s difficult to change something that has been so ingrained for so many years.  But the fact is, I’m experiencing less suffering than in the past.  I’m in a better place now than I’ve ever been.

To be continued . . . with Part 25