Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist - Part 19

Doing Things for the Right Reasons

The perfectionist approach to doing things is very much a checklist mentality: ‘I’ve gotta keep all the rules and commandments so I can feel good about myself and receive the blessings.’  If I pay tithing, the Lord will pour out blessings upon me (Malachi 3:10).  When I receive any blessing from God, it is because of obedience to a law, right (D&C 130:20)?  So does it matter why I obey?  If I’m just checking things off my list, will I still be as blessed as I would if I had proper motives?  It’s a good question.

It extends to how I treat others.  The Gospel is all about loving and caring and giving and serving my fellowmen.  And supposedly I’ll be blessed for doing so.  But does my motivation for serving others matter?  Moroni tells me that if I give a gift grudgingly, it’s as if I hadn’t given it and it is counted as evil (Moroni 7:8).  Paul teaches that if I don’t have charity, then I could give away all my goods to feed the poor, and it would profit me nothing (1 Corinthians 13:3).   

So it’s not enough just to do good; I have to do it for the right reasons.  If my heart isn’t in the right place, I won’t receive the blessing.  

But here in this fallen world, my heart isn’t always in the right place.  I don’t always want to do the right things.  

Focusing Outward or Inward?

This summer I read a book called “The Outward Mindset.”  It’s by the Arbinger Institute, the same group that created “Leadership and Self-Deception” and “The Anatomy of Peace.”  The main premise of the book is that we can improve our relationships with others as we change our mindset to see others not as objects, but as real people.  Rather than focusing on changing my behavior with others, if I change my mindset towards them, then my behaviors will also change in congruent ways.  

This aligns with what Elder Dale G. Renlund taught in his first General Conference talk:  

To effectively serve others we must see them through Heavenly Father’s eyes. Only then can we begin to comprehend the true worth of a soul. Only then can we sense the love that Heavenly Father has for all of His children. Only then can we sense the Savior’s caring concern for them. We cannot completely fulfill our covenant obligation to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort unless we see them through God’s eyes. This expanded perspective will open our hearts to the disappointments, fears, and heartaches of others. We need to have eyes that see, ears that hear, and hearts that know and feel. Only when we see through Heavenly Father’s eyes can we be filled with “the pure love of Christ.”

When I truly see others through Heaven’s eyes, I will serve them for the right reasons.  

In 2003 Elder David A. Bednar gave a talk at BYU-Idaho called “The Character of Christ.”  He said that Christ’s character is that He “turned outward, when the natural man or woman in any of us would have been self-centered and focused inward.”  So the more I become like Christ and take His character upon me, the more I will focus on others.  The more I develop a heart like His, the more love and concern I will show for others, and the less self-absorbed I will be.  

The Arbinger Institute is right, when I have an outward mindset, my relationships with others will improve and I will serve them with a sense of genuineness, rather than out of duty.  My desires will be pure.  My heart will be in it.

To be continued . . . with Part 20.