Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist - Part 15

Let’s talk about the need to be “in control.”

Regarding addictions, I’ve never been drawn to things like drugs or alcohol or pornography.  But if I do have an addiction, it’s needing to be in control.  I think that’s where I get my "fix."  And because it’s not so unacceptable as other addictions, I could indulge and not feel like I was disobeying the commandments.  For a perfectionist, that’s very significant!  Besides, I only recently came to the realization that it was addictive and obsessive.  

I was reading in Alma 30 and came across verse 17.  Here, Alma is describing Korihor, the anti-Christ, and explains how he preached about “the management of the creature.”  It was pretty descriptive of my mentality:  If I can just manage things well and be extremely organized, then maybe I can do a better job at keeping the commandments and avoiding sin.  

That’s an interesting mindset, and I can see why it appealed to me.  But it’s not sustainable.  I live in a fallen world.  I’m a natural man and I make mistakes.  And trying to “manage” things completely means relying on the arm of flesh to make it through.  

That’s the real problem with this kind of thinking, and why it’s anti-Christ.  It denies the atonement.  It attempts to survive on “my own merits.”  It’s trying to show how good I can be without needing the Savior.  And the scriptures are replete with the teaching that “there is no other way or means whereby man can be saved, only in and through Christ” (Alma 38:9).  The more I try to save myself, the further I get from Him and His deliverance.

Another aspect of control is that I can easily become overly concerned about things outside of my control.  In his “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Stephen R Covey teaches about the Circle of Control and the Circle of Concern.  Everything I spend time thinking about is my Circle of Concern.  Everything I can actually influence is my Circle of Control.  

Basically, my existence will be much better if I focus my mental and physical energy only on the things I can personally influence.  Everything else is a distraction that pulls me away from running my life properly.  But ultimately, this smaller focus increases my ability to do good and to lead a more productive life.  

So letting go of the need to control is part of my recovery.  And I believe it’s working, little by little.  


To be continued . . . with Part 16.